


Afterword

by rocketgirl2



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-08
Updated: 2010-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-17 02:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketgirl2/pseuds/rocketgirl2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lately, they have more bad days than good ones.  It feels a bit like she’s getting ready to let him go.   Post-2x01 but pre-2x05.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afterword

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, once again, to [](http://alcetis.livejournal.com/profile)[**alcetis**](http://alcetis.livejournal.com/)  for the beta.  Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Despite common misconceptions, not every day spent doing detective work involves great adventure. In fact, it more than often involves drudgingly boring tasks, such as poring over files for the hundredth time, expecting, or maybe just hoping, to see something that wasn't there before. 

Then, of course, there are the days in which the cases are opened and closed—which should be a relief, really, but it's not for Richard Castle. Those are always the days when his career hangs most in the balance.

Castle feels he’s made quite a presence for himself around the precinct. He's helped with quite a few cases, though Beckett won't openly admit it, and he _did_ manage to win her over again after making that mistake with her mother's case. Or—well, _win her over_ doesn't sound exactly right, but at least he got her to take him back. She may still be a bit terse with him at times, but she _did_ take him back, and that's a good thing.

(It hurts his pride to think that he's now at the point where he's being taken back instead of being the one kind enough to do the taking, and furthermore that she got him humble enough to ask in the first place. Also hurts that she's not even taking him back in the normal sense, because she never took him in the normal sense, but Castle's still hoping that will occur.)

A slightly less good thing about the situation is that he’s still afraid. Afraid because on days like these, it doesn't seem that she needs him so much, and she does her best to show him just how much she's okay on her own. He tries to compensate for that; doing anything to make her laugh or smile, or even just _pay attention_ to him. More often than not, she rolls her eyes, tells him to shut up, and gets on with her business like there's nothing out of the ordinary. And maybe there isn't for her, but he's _got_ to keep her entertained because otherwise, there's no saying what will happen.

"Castle," she'll say, after he's maybe pushed it a bit too far, "why don't you go home? We're almost done here for the day, anyways."

It's a lie when she says it, because sometimes he's barely been there for two hours—the case may be as good as solved, or it may be a dead end, but he knows she won't be going anywhere until she's put in her time for the day and then some. So he does his best to shut up, but it's difficult with her there, ignoring him. He's not used to that, and he sure as hell doesn't like it.

Other days, she won't even bother saying anything, just give him that look that says, _I'm going to murder you if you don't shut up soon_ and he has no choice but to obey her unspoken command. It’s funny, because sometimes it seems like he can get away with a lot before she tells him to stop and other days, if he so much as opens his mouth she glares. He’s not exactly sure what causes such large differences day-to-day, and he's not going to ask, either. Just keep doing what he does and hope he never pushes her too far at the wrong moment.

(He won’t; he knows her well enough by now to know when he shouldn’t push. Of course, he takes advantage of every other opportunity to test his boundaries, because he knows that if he tries long enough, he’ll find a way in. If he _has_ long enough.)

Lately, it’s been the wrong moment almost every moment of every day, and he doesn’t like it. He understands it—he did upset her quite a bit—but that doesn’t mean he enjoys sitting there in silent penance knowing that she could change her mind about him at any moment. Quite honestly, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself were Beckett to kick him out for good, because Nikki Heat’s still in his head and she refuses to leave. Probably has something to do with the fact that _Beckett_ is still on his mind, but he has started to see them differently now: there are things in Beckett that just aren’t a part of Nikki Heat’s character. The fact, for instance, that Beckett would be ( _is_ ) anything but helpless when faced with Rook’s ( _Castle’s_ ) charms, and he doesn’t think there’s a chance of catching her off guard like he would be able to Nikki Heat.

There’s also the fact that he kind of, _maybe_ breached Beckett’s privacy a bit, and she’s still working on forgiving him for that.

On the plus side, she _is_ forgiving him. He probably isn’t as grateful for it as he ought to be, but it’s quite difficult to be grateful to someone who’s holding out on what he _really_ wants, so he settles for doing his best to not give her another reason to kick him out. Selfish motives, yes, but it works for him because he gets to stay and it works for her because he’s a bit more docile than he used to be, so he doesn’t fuss about being overly moral.

He thinks that someday, he may learn to be unselfish concerning Beckett, but that’s only when he actually _has_ her because really, he’s not the only one being selfish at the moment.

(He also thinks that maybe someday he’ll come to terms with the fact that his books aren’t reality, but in the meantime, he has a nice time pretending they are.)

When he manages to pull himself out of his thoughts—because the way he _thinks_ things should be is really a lot more satisfying than the way things are, and involves an ample amount of heroic deeds, cliffhangers, and a happily ever after—he realizes that he has a ways to go yet if there’s ever going to be anything of the sort. Beckett doesn’t seem actively mad at him anymore, but she isn’t exactly _happy_. He feels like she’s watching him, reserving judgment for the moment, just waiting for him to slip up. It’s probably just paranoia, but it doesn’t make his job any easier.

In case anything _were_ to ever happen, Richard Castle has prepared the nicest, most heartfelt apology he will have ever given (which is quite amazing, that he can be sincerely sorry for something he’s not done yet) and tried to think of a hundred reasons why Beckett should keep him around.

(He got stuck somewhere around _5: because I’m incredibly funny_ , but he’s still working on it. Because it’s either the list or try to straight-out charm her into keeping him, and beside the fact that that’d feel plain _wrong_ , he’s not willing to try that with her. He values his manhood too much.)

So far, he hasn’t needed any reasons because there’s been nothing said. Beckett sits there quietly filling out paperwork and he sits there watching her, because there’s nothing else to do. He notices the way she bites her lip slightly when thinking and the way she absently fiddles with her pen as she’s reading things through, not to mention the fact that she’ll look up every once in awhile, remember he’s watching her, and find it somewhat hard to concentrate for the next few minutes. And oh, he _loves_ that.

“Castle,” she says at last, after trying (and failing) to ignore him and actually get her work finished. “Why don’t you go home?”

He just gives her a resigned sort of smile, wondering what he’s done this time to irritate her, and shrugs. It’s not as if there’s a reason he can give her.

Perhaps Beckett senses what he’s been thinking, because she smiles back briefly before rolling her eyes—always the eye roll, Castle has noticed, to make her seem disinterested—and says, “Come back tomorrow when there’s something to do.”

Castle shrugs again, because it’s not as if he has much to do if he leaves, either. Maybe knock out a couple of chapters of Nikki Heat, but they would be for a sequel. That he’s probably not supposed to be writing.

“Really, Castle,” says Beckett. “The case is finished. Go home.”

It’s sort of like Castle had imagined it would be, her finally dumping him—in a voice softer than normal, but still commanding because that’s the only way he’ll listen to her.

(This is why he always hates wrapping up cases, because he’s afraid that each will be his last; that Beckett will decide that she doesn’t need him anymore rather than just acting like it, and he’ll be sent away from the job he’s come to love. Sort of like being fired.)

Beckett rolls her eyes again and he figures that what he’s thinking must show in his eyes. “See you tomorrow, Castle,” she says with that smile of hers that makes him nervous and excited and a little scared all at the same time.

“See you tomorrow,” he agrees, happy with knowing that he’s made it one day further—and one day closer to being back in her confidences.

  



End file.
